None of the old stuff has gone anywhere, and new things are being added all the time. But there are now too many things in the world, too much stuff. Mainly because there were only about eight things you actually could do, so everyone simply did all of them as a matter of course. Isn't it time to end this tyranny? In the 1970s we weren't told what we had to do all the time. You will still have to find time for the things you actually like doing, such as popping bubble wrap. There are also 50 boutique hotels you must visit, 100 ways to make your garden or your children happy, and 5,000 fonts you can't PowerPoint without.Īnd these, of course, are just the things you have to do. Then you also have to find time to swim with dolphins, to watch the sunset over Machu Picchu, to kiteboard in the Andes, and to do any number of other tiresome things you see people doing in their profile pictures on Guardian Soulmates.
Sum total of hours spent on books you simply have to read? 6,360. Add in one new book a month that Charlotte has recommended (I like Charlotte, but I wasn't absolutely convinced by A Street Cat Named Bob) and one new book a month that the Review section has described as Margaret Atwood meets EL James. Let's read the Observer's 100 Greatest Novels. That takes your total for films you simply have to see up to 2,233 hours.Īnd now an even bigger problem: books. You will also have to watch at least one new film a month that Charlotte at work keeps banging on about, and one foreign-language film a month because Peter Bradshaw has called it "a stunning new benchmark for Latvian cinema". Watching every film on the BFI's list of The Greatest Films of All Time will take you 217 hours (with an extra half-hour if you want to watch the hilarious "blooper reel" at the end of Citizen Kane). Then add in The Great British Bake Off and, in all, that's around 6,130 hours of television you simply have to see.
Add in two new series a year – every year – that you simply have to watch, and that's a further 4,000 hours.
And – I don't know if you've heard – apparently it's amazing.īut if you wanted to watch every episode of the Guardian's Top 50 TV series of all time, that would take up another 2,080 of your precious hours. So, Breaking Bad should be a breeze: just 61 hours, or 0.000667% of the rest of your life. This means your available hours now stand at 91,167.
If you were under 40 you'd be reading the cheat codes for Grand Theft Auto V instead (FYI, the dirt-bike code is Circle, X, L1, Circle, Circle, L1, Circle, R1, R2, L2, L1, L1). Given that you are reading the Guardian you are, let's be honest, at least 40. You suddenly find yourself with just 182,334 useful hours in your life for reading, watching films and baking your signature Loganberry Pecan Flapjacks.īut it gets worse. Take off another 200,000 hours for miscellaneous activities such as being on hold for broadband customer service, queuing at Costa Coffee, or looking up pictures of your ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend on Facebook. You will be working for 74,060 hours (fewer if you're Usain Bolt) and you'll be waiting for your children to hurry up and get their shoes on for 11,850. You will be asleep for 233,600 of those hours (more if you're a cricket fan). The average human being will live for 701,844 hours. If I'm told there are 25 Must-Dive Reefs or 30 Loganberry Recipes You Can't Live Without then I take that responsibility very seriously and immediately go out shopping for scuba equipment and soft fruit.īut, while I can't stress enough that I don't wish to be a troublemaker, there is a slight problem with the maths.
Like most Guardian readers, I am very keen to do what I'm told at all times. These days we are told we simply have to watch, to read or just to do, very many things: 100 Things to Do Before You Die 100 Films You Have to See, 100 Books You Must Read If You Don't Want Everyone at Work to Realise Exactly What a Shallow, Self-Obsessed, X Factor Fan You Really Are. I even saw a woman prosecuted last week for not having read Gone Girl.
Our prisons are already full to bursting with people who failed to watch The West Wing or The Wire when they were expressly told to. Stop flying that plane, crash it into that field and fire up Netflix."Īs I understand it, we are now all legally obliged to watch Breaking Bad by the end of 2013. Stop resuscitating that patient, and watch Breaking Bad. Stop whatever you're doing and watch it right now. "O MG, you have to watch Breaking Bad! You simply have to.